Wisdom Family
Creating environments of peace
How do we create environments that nurture ourselves and our children in ways that are meaningful and doable in modern life?
For those of us managing careers, family, and cultural expectations, the pace of life often feels untenable. It can feel easier to give in to quick fixes like television, tablets, junk food, and so forth. And while it is best to avoid rigid dogmas—both in Buddhism and parenting (quick fixes will inevitably happen once in a while )—we know that small changes to family life can help us slow down, create rhythm, and make our family interactions more meaningful.
As long-term practitioners on the path, Rose and Ari attend to creating a spiritual container that their son, Oliver, can inhabit with them. The belief that spiritual experience is an accessible, joyful, vital aspect of human life inspires a family life that allows for such experiences to regularly occur. And there are many ways that traditional spiritual practices can support family life and the unfolding (and eventual dissolution) of the journey of being human.
Wisdom Sun now has more people with children than ever before and together we are building ways for families to connect and partake of our offerings.
We hope to share our space with the children (godchildren, grandchildren, inner children) in your life. On this page, we offer some ideas to try with the little (and big) you know.
Everyday Rhythm
The first step to bring more consciousness into family life is developing rhythms.
Rhythm is an elemental and immediate part of being human. The first sound we hear is the rhythmic drumbeat of our mother’s heart. Our lives are a variety of rhythm cycles: from the circling of our breath’s inhalation and exhalation; to the cycle of weekdays and weekends; to the revolutions our planet makes around the sun. When we tune into rhythm, we find it soothes us and gives us a level of predictability in an often tumultuous and unpredictable world.
Small rituals can be a big help with tuning into rhythms. And these rituals and rhythms can take many different shapes and forms. For example, sitting down to eat at a certain time each day or saying a short thank you before meals. When small moments become a rhythm in the day it helps family activity flow. And music always helps with transitions. Using the same song or notes on an instrument for specific activities can help move things along.
Rhythm and ritual are not rigid, and we need to pay attention to how each child responds to them. Especially as children grow, we can be flexible and responsive so that our rituals and rhythm feel appropriate and our children can get the most benefit from them.
Below are some ideas for simple rituals to consider with children.
Practices to consider
Morning
As the sun arises, so do we: Finding your sun spot is a great way to start the day. Maybe it’s a window in your home where you can see the rising sun, or that brings the most light into your home. You can find your spot to relate with the sun, to see how the sun is today: What is the quality of the light, do clouds obscure it, where in the sky is the sun? Where has it been and where is it going? From this place you can welcome the sun and maybe express some appreciation for the gifts that the sun brings with it—the warmth, the light, the support for all life. During these morning times you might begin to hear from your child what their relationship with the sun is. It’s reassuring to remember that whatever is happening in the world, the sun rises each morning to bring its life-giving support to each of us.
Midday or After School
At some point in the day, we may encourage a conversation around the great gifts we have received this day and look a little at all the things that had to happen to receive these gifts. Maybe your child is appreciating a carrot stick. How did this carrot get to be here? Another carrot made a seed; the rain fell and the sun shone. Farm workers ensured the carrot was not too dry and not too wet and harvested it with strong and gentle hands. If you’re lucky enough to grow your own carrots or shop from a Farmers’ Market, you may even know the name of the person those hands belong to. You can explore the interconnected web of goodness that allows us to be fed.
Evening
This is the time to connect with nighttime and darkness. For some of us, this may bring up fear. If we learn together to appreciate the turning toward darkness and rest and find our familiar friends of the moon and the stars in this space, we may learn to actually find comfort in the dark.
Rose and Ari have an old Tibetan conch shell and often blow the conch to welcome the night. They have a window that overlooks the bay in San Francisco from which to view the darkening sky. Looking for the stars and moon is a good way to find friendly faces in the night sky—maybe you even recognize some of the constellations and know the stories that go with them. It is a fascinating project to find the position of the moon each night as it slowly travels through the sky. We can ask: Where is the moon tonight? What shape is the moon tonight? The moon is lighting the world and bringing the blanket of night over us. Cloaked in the darkness of Mother Night, we can move into stillness, peace, and rest, snuggling down in our burrows.
A day in song
Singing at regular times throughout the day helps us develop a sense of rhythm in our life, fills our hearts with joy and gratitude, and develops deep, sacred, and loving relationships with the world around us.
Morning song: It’s a powerful practice to sing the day in. Rose and Ari have their breakfast first and make sure everyone is ready for the day before singing—that way it feels more relaxed as everyone is fed and they know that they are ready for what comes next. Morning songs of appreciation set a harmonious tone for the whole day.
Lunchtime song:
Rose and Ari were introduced to many meal verses through Oliver’s Waldorf-inspired school, Golden Bridges. The students learn hand mudras (symbols and gestures) for many songs and prayers. This is a great way for young children to memorize the verses, as they make use of the physical cues in their own bodies and visual cues from those singing with them. Meal songs help us take a moment around food to recognize the sacredness of this experience, and to appreciate that we get fed as a result of many other beings—human, animal and plant life—working together to feed us.
Evening Song:
The end of the day is the perfect time to take a moment to transition with a song. Many children have lullabies sung to them in the evening (Baby Beluga being a great favorite with some Wisdom Sun children!). This wonderful ritual is often lost when children feel a little too old for a lullaby. Yet there are many songs that older children can appreciate that shift our focus from being externally directed, going out into the world, to being internally oriented, making it easier to rest back into our own bodies and relax into our night of rest.